The F word. No, not that one. The other one. Forgiveness.
When we think about the concept of forgiveness, it is a process that can leave us feeling sticky, itchy, or downright nauseous.
Whether we need to forgive another or ourselves, there always seems to be a resistance to do it. Just as if we ran out of gas. Angry thoughts race through our head as we are fuming on the side of the road.
I’m not ready to forgive. I’m still pissed. I’m still hurt. Maybe that idiot doesn’t deserve to be forgiven. I didn’t do anything wrong. Maybe they just deserve what they get. I’ll forgive, but I won’t forget.
When it comes to not forgiving people, including ourselves, our emotional and spiritual gas tank stays on empty and we get stuck in the past. We should have known better. We feel foolish. If we forgive too quickly then this might happen to us again. The F word transforms over time to Future Fear Failure Forever.
Then how do we fuel up to forgiveness? We try another F word… Faith. And we take the following steps.
- Reflect on your anger, hurt, and pain. Simply take into account what has happened, but don’t live there.
- Reflect on the fear it has caused and time it has taken up in your heart and soul space.
- Actively accept any and all ownership of how you may have created this situation to occur. Take what is only yours. This is huge.
- Forgive all parties including you.
- MOVE ON immediately.
Did you do it? How do you feel? If you’re not sure at the moment, no worries.
Here is how you can do a quick scan to see if you have really forgiven. Your body is fantastic and wildly accurate about giving you clues. For starters, your body should feel lighter instantly. If it doesn’t, then sit down for a second and breathe. Ask yourself, “What else do I need to do to create forgiveness?”
This is where you can practice your intuition. If you notice your body is going stiff, then you haven’t moved past forgiveness. If you hear yourself say, “I forgive him but he’s still a freakin’ jerk!” you’re not done with this process. Ouch. I know. Just try again. You may need to try again a little later. Or a day later. The intention is to keep trying until you have truly moved on.
If you need help to move one, then reflect and visualize what will happen to you if you do not forgive that person or yourself, what are the long term consequences on your peace of mind, on your health, and on your bottom line. Lay it on thick. This uncomfortable feeling may start with the chest and start resonating through out the body. Fuel up the forgiveness process and try again.
The amazing thing about forgiveness is that you can become better at it the more you go through the process. You will create your own peace quicker and be able to live in the present moment instead of the furious or hurtful past.
Gandhi said, “Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave.” Fuel up for forgiveness and wear your bravery in love for others, including yourself. Namaste.