How to Know EXACTLY When to Let Go

Do you know when to go?

Do you know when to go?

                                  

 Do you know when to let go?

In life, we all come to a crossroad in a friendship, a relationship, or job, and agonize, “Do I stay or do I go?” Whatever the dilemma, it can be downright paralyzing against moving in any direction because the fear and uncertainty seems to roar in our faces and from every direction.

 

Wouldn’t it be great to know EXACTLY when to leave these situations?

 

Well, you can. In each case, there are three big exit signs to direct consciousness to make sure you are making the very best choice in that moment.

 

EXIT SIGN #1: SITUATION DEPENENDENT

If you find yourself lost in someone else’s movie, drama, or enterprise and it stagnates your own growth, this may be one of the first indicators you need to move on. Immediately. For instance, in friendship, if you notice yourself doing everything with a friend whether you want to or not, you may want to ask for more space. If there is conflict when you share your request, or if your friend can’t respect your feelings or boundaries, then this could be your sign to exit for new friendships. You can always appreciate the person and the times you had together and still have the integrity to move one. It may feel scary or even sad at the start, but once you have moved on and you feel relief, this is how you know you made the best decision in that moment.

 

In an intimate relationship, while it’s important to become a unit, it is just as vital to keep your individuality and creativity alive. If you can’t make a move without your partner getting upset or causing a fight, then consider how long can you endure this type of situation. Give yourself the boundaries of a timeline. Can you continue to stay with this relationship in this state, a day, a week, three months or a year even if it won’t change?

Only you know your limits. But first you must create them and then honor them. If you can’t honor your needs and yourself, and you don’t see the situation improve, recognize this exit sign.

 

In a job environment, you may feel like you can’t go if you don’t have another job lined up. You may have conflicting feelings of loyalty and fear. You may even buy into the idea that it’s better to work with the “devil you do know than the one you don’t”. While this may bring some peace of mind in the short term, it doesn’t last for long and this is another exit sign to start moving on.

 

EXIT SIGN# 2: NO SUPPORT or ABUSE

In all situations of friendship, intimate relationships and job relationships, if you are not receiving the support you deserve, this is a HUGE red flag and exit sign. In the beginning of most relationships most people put on their best faces and efforts to keep a relationship growing. If they don’t, head for the hills. If you notice a drastic changes in their behavior that becomes strained, keep moving. If you notice a steady decline in support, create the awareness to see how you contributed to this decline and if the relationship could and should be salvaged. Only you know what your part is in that relationship and if you are willing to coast and settle or if you’re ready to do or move on to something different. Awareness of this is extremely important because if you don’t understand the dynamics of what occurred, you will rerun the same episode in your life down the road.

 

When it comes to abuse in any form in any relationship. DO. NOT. TOLERATE. IT. Don’t take abuse in friendships, in relationships or in jobs. By doing so, you are defining how the world can use and abuse you. This does not promote growth. And remember in every second you are either growing or dying…

 

EXIT SIGN #3: YOU DESIRE A DIFFERENT OUTCOME

In all of the 3 said situations, the last sign to pop up when it’s time to move on is when you have a different desired outcome than the relationships you are in. If you are in a one sided friendship, and you are doing the heavy lifting in the relationship, you begin to feel the unbalance of relationship. You may voice your concerns and if they go unheard, then that’s when you want a different outcome and it’s time to move on.

 

The same applies in an intimate relationship. You may require more intimacy or communications and it may not surface. You may be in a relationship where your committed partner steps outside the relationship. If they don’t want to work on the relationship, then move on because they are being truthful in their actions in that moment.

 

In a job, you may want more money, more responsibilities, more help, more time off, or even more training. If you employer can’t or won’t help you now, then ask if they can give you a timeline as to when your needs can be met or how can they be met down the road. If you boss or advisor still can’t help you, then this is your last big clue to keep an eye out for the exit sign to keep moving.

 

It isn’t always easy to move on. But by becoming aware of all the road signs in your relationships, you will be able to know when you should walk and when you should run into the supported, loving, creative and brave journey called your life. Now, ease on down the road. Namaste.

How to Get Lucky in Life

Do You Feel Lucky?

Do You Feel Lucky?

                                         

Are you lucky? Do you feel lucky?

 

If your not sure, then do a quick luck life scan?

 

Do you feel lucky with your family?

Do you feel lucky with your health?

Do you feel lucky in your job?

Do you feel lucky in love?

Do you feel lucky when it comes to money?

Do you feel lucky when it comes to looks?

Do you feel lucky when it comes to opportunities?

 

Chances are that there are some places where you feel lucky and others that you don’t. We all have a tendency to entertain those unlucky thoughts. Many of my clients feel lucky with their jobs, their families, and their friends. But when it comes to making more money, finding a new relationship or losing weight they feel downright unlucky.

 

Why is this?

 

Let’s breakdown the anatomy of luck. Luck is merely a thought we experience and create meaning behind. That’s it. Luck is a thought that promotes either the emotional state of happiness or sometimes relief in your body. If you find a twenty-dollar bill, you might feel lucky. While driving if you slam on the breaks and miss hitting a dog or a person, you might feel lucky in the sense that it provides relief.

 

So why do we feel lucky in some cases and not others? It’s patterns. We simply relive patterns, behaviors and thoughts every single day without fail. And they are so ingrained in our brains, beings and soul that we are certain that this is the only outcome we will ever get.

 

So how do we change this? We make itty bitty shifts in our thinking.

 

Luck: An Attitude of Gratitude Shift

If we can change the wording from luck to gratitude, it’s an easier shift. For example, if you are looking for a new job and the perfect one comes you way, you may think you are lucky. Shift the luck to gratitude. Tell yourself, “I’m so grateful that the perfect job came at the right time and I’m ready to take it.” By creating this shift, you are telling your subconscious mind that the timing of this present moment was appreciated AND you were prepared to take action. This opens you up for more things to come your way and you will be prepared as opposed to relying on a stroke of luck. Gratitude will always put you in a lighter and higher state. People will be attracted to this energy as well as potential opportunities.

 

Luck: The Preparation Workstation Shift

Thomas Jefferson is quoted as saying, “I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work, the more I have of it.” Jefferson knew that in order to believe or create more luck, you’ve got to work it.

 

If you want the relationship of a lifetime, you need to work it. This means to spend some time knowing what kind of partner you want and consider where would they hang out. Where could you find them? Do you have friends or family that can help you out? Would you be willing to ask? What feels congruent or right for you? All these help strengthen your intuition, focus and direction to increase your luck in this present moment.

 

If you want more money or a fulfilling job, what does that look like? What does it pay? Who could give you the opportunity? How do you need to prepare for it so when the right moment (luck) appears, you are ready to take action. By shifting the idea that working towards your desires can get you closer to them, you begin to manifest your own beautiful state of luck.

 

Luck: The Ocean of Emotion

Luck is a thought that creates an emotion within you. You react or respond to this emotion and either repel or attract more “good luck” or “bad luck”.

 

I have the great blessing of working with people to help them get clarity for their goals. I work with people whose goals range from everything from writing a book, to creating a business, to finding a partner, to getting married, to having a baby, to making sure they are on their right path. The interesting thing is that as we work together to get closer to their goals, first they get excited because they believe it’s luck when they start seeing the progress. After that, they panic. Fear and self-sabotage set in because they believe the luck won’t last.

 

This happens because many times, our emotional thermostat is set low. We don’t want to get too excited because we might get hurt, feel embarrassed, or feel a sense of loss. When we get something we didn’t think was possible, we think we had a small stroke of luck. Then we sabotage our efforts because we want certainty and we know what unlucky feels like. We know what disappointment or sadness feels like. In fact, we are pros at creating these thoughts, feelings and outcomes. This is sucky luck.

 

If we want to create more “luck” or opportunities for ourselves, we must stay conscious to how we are feeling in our moment to moment state. If we are working hard at something we desire such as creating a business, we must recognize that in the beginning, it will feel exciting. As reality sets in as to the amount of effort needed, we may become tired and want to resist the process of making our dreams come true. No worries. Just recognize that this is a normal tendency. It’s not bad luck and the Universe hates your guts and your dreams. In order to stay aware, mindfulness is a great way to stay focused on where you are. For example, I just finished writing a book. In the middle of it, I felt conflicted that I wasn’t spending enough time with my sons and maybe I should just put off writing the book until later. I took a couple breaths and checked in. I asked myself a few questions.

 

Was the writing of the book intended to help people? Yes.

Could this help my son’s in life? Yes.

Was I tired? Yes.

Did I feel uncomfortable about exactly what I was going to do once the book was done? Yes.

Did I feel grateful to have the time and space in which to write this book? Yes.

Did I want to write this book? Yes.

Did I feel lucky? YES.

 

I felt gratitude for doing something that intuitively felt right for me. I also knew that when I’m tired, that things appear less clear and difficult. This brought me peace of mind and to me that is very lucky.

 

If you are down on your luck, have bad luck, or no luck at all, just remember these things. To increase the concept of luck, be crazy grateful of where you are in this moment. Get clear about the things or goals you want in life and know how you want to feel when you get it. Think of all the ways you can take action towards the goals you want everyday. And finally, check on your emotional thermostat. Are you in a fearful or fierce state? If you are in a negative or low state, think about people or things you are grateful for. Stay there for a moment, and when you are ready continue to go for the things that are aligned to your heart and soul for you to experience. And then thank your lucky stars. Peace.

How to Rule with Confidence and Conquer Self Doubt

Rule it Out.

Rule it Out.

 I don’t know

I’m not sure.

I don’t think I can pull this off.

Maybe not now.

I can’t ….

 

Doubt.

Just saying the word sounds and feels awful.

 

Most of the time we can endure the little doubtful thoughts that bubble up.

 

Will I have enough gas?

Will I get to work on time?

Is this still good to eat?

Can I hold it or do I need to go bathroom now.

Should I call them back?

Should I have said that?

 

Even if we are not sure of the outcome, we are able to manage fairly well with minimal damage to our self-esteem. A little doubt is good even necessary to help keep us sharp.

 

But then there is that self-doubt that’s dark, deep, and wide. This type of self-doubt lingers for days, weeks or longer. We feel its presence breathing behind the rest of our daily thoughts and activities. And when we are quiet or resting, this is when it seems to take on a life of it’s own.

 

How to do we slay this dragon of self doubt?

 

We conquer it in these steps.

 

CLARIFY YOUR DOUBT

First we honor ourselves by being truthful. Many times we can feel uneasy with so many life events that can create doubt. So when first noticing doubt, try to clearly define what are you being doubtful about.

 

It’s one thing to be doubtful that you don’t know if you can do your job. This is a big and ambivalent concept. A more precise idea is you are doubtful that you can work with your new boss’s personality. Or you are doubtful that what you are being paid for the work you are doing is fair. By pinpointing exactly what you are doubtful about, this provides you with clarity in how to respond confidently to the issue at hand.

 

DARE NOT TO COMPARE

Second, when you are in the state of doubt, don’t compare how somebody else is doing it better or worse than you are. Sure it’s tempting, but don’t do it. It doesn’t provide you with any useful information and wastes time. Additionally, it should be a given, but remember no one is looking at you. Everybody is trying to deal with their own lives, dramas, and doubts. So stay focused on you and what you need to be successful in this moment.

 

SMALL IS ALL

When it comes to self-doubt, small is the way to go. Test the waters. Take small steps. Set goals. If you goal is to lose weight and you don’t think you can do it, start small and just walk 10 more steps thoughout the day. You can’t fail this. If you didn’t manage to do this one day, then do it the next.

 

Once you have set a small goal and accomplished it, just the concept that you set a goal and did it will feel amazing. No doubt, you will want to do it again. So, do it again. Or raise the stakes a little. And keep going. This builds momentum and confidence to give yourself the royal treatment you deserve.

 

A client of mine wanted to start dating after a long divorce. Since it had been over a decade since she went on her last date, she started online. Just as she started to sign up for a service, she doubted herself. She said she wanted to lose weight before she started posting pictures. I suggested that she just take a picture of how she looked right now. To boost her confidence, she bought a new dress and went to the mall to get a few tips on how to apply her makeup. Later that same day, she took her picture for the dating site. Immediately, she started to get interest in her photos. And while the first few suitors weren’t her type, she grew into her confidence. She was thankful to begin the process.

 

Since then, she has lost 20 pounds in the last few months, simply because she stopped doubting herself and started to believe she was worthy of love – loving herself first.

 

KEEP GOING AND NOTICE WHAT’S WORKING

When we start to make progress in any area of our lives, the tendency is to start creating a frenzy of doubt because we are afraid of what will happen next. Uncertainty makes us crazy. Uncertainty makes us doubt. But if instead, if we start focusing on what is working and how we can do it again, this quickly helps strengthen our intuition but also shows us what is working in this moment instead of the fearful future. At any time, things can go wrong in our lives, and sure it’s a possibility. But just reframe obstacles as tests or experiences and keep going.

 

WHEN IN DOUBT, CHECK IT OUT

Over time, you will begin to use doubt as an indicator if you are getting information to help you or hurt you.

 

So the next time you are feeling fearful or doubtful, call yourself out. Ask yourself, is this a valid concern? Will this help me in the moment I’m in? If not, take a breath and move out with action in the direction you desire.

 

Life is so big and amazing. And we could constantly worry and doubt ourselves to death. Or we could give ourselves the royal treatment of confidence to stay focused on the moment that we are in. We could treat ourselves with compassion and bravery to conqueror our doubt so that we can continue to share our gifts and talents with the rest of the world. We can do it. We must do it. No doubt about it. Just remember to adjust your crown on the way out. Peace.

How to Hop from the Stress of Rushing and into your REAL TIME Life

 

Hop to the present moment.

Hop to the present moment.

I suck at many things. I’m not skilled in the kitchen. I have challenges folding and hanging clean clothes and putting them back in the closet. And I have sent more plants to Heaven than I care to confess to.

 

But I know where I’m really good in my life. Where I am “profesh”.

I am a profession rusher, worrier, list maker, trying to shove too many days in a hour. Now, I can get back to center by prayer, mediation, petting my dogs, holding my children, exercising or getting lost in a good conversation, or beautiful prepared meal.

 

And when I rise, I swear someone hits me with a stupid stick and I’m raring to go with thoughts like this…

Did I make that call?

Do I need to check that email?

What are we having for dinner?

Do the dogs need to go pee?

What’s the day today… what bills are due?

Did I miss someone’s birthday? In real life? Or on Facebook?

Is there gas in the car?

Do I need to reach out to a friend and tell him his mother who has passed is coming through? Can he handle it now?

Do I need to call the friend who was going to call me back and hasn’t?

Shouldn’t I check on them and make sure they are okay?

Do I need to pick up milk?

 

All while I’m in the bathroom.

 

Does any of this madness feel familiar? Even if just one of questions is banging around your head, then it’s time to do something different. It’s time to hop to it and stop rushing our lives away.

 

While a certain amount of energy is needed to get things done, rushing from one event to another or one thought to another can leave us in an exhausted state physically, mentally and emotionally. Our rational brains know this isn’t the way to live our lives, but we diligently, habitually and willingly do it again the next moment.

 

Why do we impose such torture on ourselves?

We do it out of fear.

Fear that if we don’t do everything, it won’t get done.

Fear that if we don’t help everyone, people will get mad at us, look down at us or even stop loving us.

Fear that this is all we know and we can’t change.

FOMO. Fear Of Missing Out.

We are terrified if we don’t try to do all the things, respond to everyone everywhere on social media, that we are missing something very, very important.

 

And we are.

 

By telling ourselves the story of fear in our lives why we have to do it all and we’d better hurry, we are losing our REAL TIME LIFE.

Your REAL TIME LIFE is

Waking up rested and safe in your cozy bed.

It’s hearing your dog snore.

It’s noticing the sound of your best friend laughing at your warped sense of humor.

It’s the smell of coffee.

It’s hugging someone a bit longer than normal to show that you feel their grief and you’re with them.

It’s enjoying the silence of the church, an empty gym, or your car when you are by yourself.

Your REAL TIME LIFE is when for that brief sweet moment, you get clarity that you and every one you love is only here for a limited time, and you should make this moment count by feeling gratitude.

 

If we can create the understanding that we rush, not because of a true-life emergency but out of fear, we create awareness. We need this awareness that we rush and here’s how we can do it.

 

Three things you can do now to hop into your REAL TIME LIFE.

 

  1. Perfect the Pause.

Remember the advice that when you are angry, you should pause before speaking? Why stop there?

Practice pausing before you jump out of bed and feel the gratitude of waking up to another day.

Practice pausing before you eat. It could be with a prayer or just a deep breath to focus on how you are about to nourish your body.

Pause before getting together with a group of people whether it’s co-workers or friends and create the intention of what kind of energy you want bring to these groups.

Pause before responding in any conversation. Really listen to the other person and not just start formulating what you want to say or think you want to say.

Pause for a moment of peace. Pause for a moment with your pets. Pause for a moment with nature.

Pause for a moment of kindness for yourself and remind yourself that in this very moment you are doing your very best.

 

  1. Schedule it. Seriously.

If you want to hop away from the stress of rushing then schedule the most important things on a calendar. When you write it down, put it in your phone or computer, it becomes real to your conscious self. Things like exercise, yoga, time with family, helping others need a place on the calendar so you can feel the commitment and honor it.

And if there are things you don’t really have to do, drop them. Don’t even add them to your list or life. And here’s another tip, schedule in some time for nothing to do. This way, you can enjoy not having to commit to something else or this time can help buffer your schedule if you are the type who tries to do too much at once with no time.

 

  1. Unplug. Daily.

Everyday, schedule an hour, or half-hour, or ten minutes that you are COMPLETELY UNPLUGGED. This means not looking at your phone and turning off the sound of your devices so you don’t get a dopamine hit every time you hear a ding. If you haven’t done it before, it may feel a little unsettling. But every time you can do it, you’re training your mind to rest and not use it’s reptilian brain of reacting in the fight or flight mode to every sound or light you see on your electronic device.

 

Your REAL TIME LIFE is worth it. And by taking these main steps, you allow your mind to stop rushing in to the future and be fully present. These are moments that you will remember clearly at the end of your days, the ones that you remember as the time of your life. Now, get to hopping. Peace.

How to Employ Joy in Your Life

 

Employ Joy.

Employ Joy.

 

Your life.

 

From the moment you wake up…you have the unique opportunity to do one of two things. You can employ or destroy joy.

 

Think about it.

 

How did you feel when you woke up? Tired or refreshed?

How did your body feel when you stood up? Rested or achy?

How did you feel about breakfast? Indifferent? Hate it? Or guilty because you don’t do it or loved it.

How do you feel about your work? Do you hate it? Is it just a job? Is your calling?

How do you feel about returning to your home? Do you want to bulldoze it or find refuge in it?

How do you feel about your friends and family that you interact with? Don’t ask or are they the center of your universe?

 

Does your life have purpose? Or is your purpose to survive or thrive?

 

What’s interesting about these scenarios is that they all build up together all day and everyday of your life. It may feel pretty subtle and you many not notice it until a bigger event comes your way and shifts your emotional wellbeing temperature one way or the other. In every second, you are labeling and employing or destroying joy.

 

Here’s a snap shot of how it worked for me yesterday.

 

This week I have the good fortune of having a few days off so yesterday morning I woke up late. This wouldn’t be a problem, but I woke up really, really late.

 

And I had a funeral to attend. I woke up tired and pushed myself out of bed. My allergies have been acting up and as for breakfast, I drank a protein shake because it was quick. I don’t remember tasting it. I just needed something so I could take my allergy medicine and be able to function. I kissed my boys and husband and left for the service. The only thing I was feeling was a sense of urgency to get to the church on time.

 

Then it hit me. Hard.

 

I could employ or destroy my joy today.

 

In that moment, I centered myself with a few big slow breaths and looked at the trees I was driving by. No one would care if I were on time or not for this service. I was where I needed to be in this moment.

 

When I finally arrived at the church, like a miracle, I found a close parking spot. I was able to walk in past the cameras and news crew. I stood at the back of the church and gazed over the sea of bowed heads. A little girl waddled passed me in her new shiny black shoes to a nearby pew.

 

I breathed again to take in the smell of this church that was over 100 years old. I was attending a service for a wonderful mother named Marisol who had been missing for two months and her body had just been found last week. My friend and hairdresser Vanessa was one of Marisol’s best friends. I came to give my respect to my friend and the family.

 

Marisol spent her life making others feel beautiful and now it was our turn to remember her beautiful life and her legacy. Part of her legacy was leaving behind two daughters aged eight and five and little boy who was barely three.

 

I had a sense of peace watching everything unfold from the back of the church. That all changed when the service came to a close and the coffin was brought to the front doors where I was standing. The three year old ran ahead and out the door. The coffin was brought closer and pallbearers carried great weight in their faces. The sobs of the family tore apart the front door and into the sunlight, we all walked out hoping for peace and healing for this family.

 

In that moment I had a decision to make and again I employed joy. I ran past the news cameras and to my car.

 

I had bought all the children and their grandmother little lambs since it was close to Easter and that was a reminder how we are all of the same flock now and forever. I gave the bags to Vanessa and she helped me find Marisol’s children. We passed them to the children before they had to leave. The 5 year old clutched the little stuffed lamb and smiled. That smile filled me with enough joy for a lifetime.

 

When I drove away from the service, I felt gratitude to be with such an amazing community who came together to honor and support a beautiful life. I felt rested and strong to keep helping in my own way wherever I am and for as long as can. Coming home to my chaotic home of dogs and boys, I felt more joy. Not the kind that comes and goes with a winning sport game or party but the kind that lingers in your being and in your soul.

 

So as you go through out your day today, find ways to employ your joy.

It could be that you wake up and realize the gift of another day to experience.

 

It could be because you have food in the fridge or you have a job you like and co-workers who make you laugh.

 

Maybe you find joy in your house because perfect or not it comforts you beyond the necessities.

 

When it comes to finding your purpose, make creating and finding joy your job. Find it in both the big and small moments. Just know it’s worth it and once you employ joy you will never want to retire from it. Never.

 

Thank you for helping me to employ joy, Marisol Espinosa. May you rest in Peace and Love. Namaste.

How to Enjoy the Taste of Happiness without Feeling Like a Sucker

Enjoy sucker free happiness.

Enjoy sucker free happiness.

 

Happiness.

 

When was the last time you tasted it?

 

And when you did taste happiness, did it leave some bitterness later?

 

Have you ever watched a soap opera where the young couple finally get together only to have one of them drive off a cliff in the next scene?

 

Have you ever watched the hunk of a hero you were rooting for make it to the very last minute of a movie only to be gobbled by a zombie?

 

Have you ever have a friend tell you that they are in love and you mentally roll your eyes and say to yourself, “Oh, that’ll last 20 minutes”.

 

When the holidays come around do you feel more dread than happiness?

 

If you meet a potential partner whether online or in person, do you ever think, “Yeah, but what’s wrong with them?”

 

Do you believe that you can’t have happiness without something really awful and crappy happen in order to balance out the universe?

 

Are you afraid of happiness?

Are you afraid of too much happiness?

Do you feel like a sucker?

 

That’s okay if you do. I was a sucker. I was a happiness sucker.

 

In my life, there have been many great events and memories. But it’s funny, the ones that shook me to my core were the horrible and painful ones. I didn’t realize that at the time I built the habit of connecting the awful events to the closest happy memories from around the same time.

 

For example, when I received a grant to produce one of my first films, my dog was hit by a car and killed. Later during another time in my life, my husband and I were awarded some big film work and the next day, my mother had a heart attack. Further along in my life, when we tried to get pregnant the first time, it happened like a miracle. Before I could fully enjoy the dream of motherhood, I experienced the nightmare of my first miscarriage.

 

Over time, any special event or holiday, I was just waiting for the Universe’s response of “I’m gonna get you sucker”.

 

Happiness made me feel nervous and fearful.

 

At least with awful events, I had certainty. I was certain they were going to happen. I was certain it was going to suck for a long time. And then after a second of happiness, it would happen again soon enough. And when it did, I got to claim, “I knew it!”

 

This certainty sucked. In my gut, my intuition told me this wasn’t any way to live.

 

What turned my life around, ironically, was death.

 

After a series of events of losing my parents, having 3 miscarriages, losing pets, friends, co-workers, and mere acquaintances it came to me in the smallest moment.

 

My husband and I had lost a film friend to a motorcycle accident and we had just returned from his service. There was nothing to be done. Our friend died doing what he loved and always was in a state of happiness. He was contagious. He was bigger than life.

 

I was at a loss of what to do next. Phone games had just started and I played Bejeweled for the first time. I probably played for 10 minutes. But in those ten minutes, I didn’t think about the horrible past or the frightening future. I simply thought about what little pixel jewels I had in front of me. I asked my husband to play and he hated video games, but even for a few moments he experienced peace and happiness.

 

That’s when I got my first taste of happiness in that present moment.

 

Now, when happiness comes my way, I become aware of that moment only and I don’t look for trouble in the past or future. When life gets challenging and difficult, I take a breath and I practice gratitude that I can still breath on my own without a machine. When life gets ugly as it will sometimes, I ask myself a question. How can I use this to make my life better? If I’m too tired or frustrated, I just ask again later.

 

By taking a moment to think about how you feel about happiness you will help create an awareness about your happiness habits.

 

Think about it?

 

Do you think you deserve happiness?

Does too much happiness make you feel uneasy?

When you do feel happiness, are you waiting for something bad to happen?

 

If you said yes to any of the above, then there is room for happiness without conditions. Sucker-free happiness.

 

It all begins where you keep your focus. If you focus on what is happening now in the present moment and cultivate gratitude for whatever is happening, this creates your own wellbeing and happiness. Keep doing it moment to moment and overtime, you will be able to feel chill with taste of happiness.

 

And when things come unexpectedly as they do in life, you will be able to observe what is happening but also focus on what good or happiness can come from the event.

 

So as you go throughout your day, find the smallest things you can be happy for or grateful for. And if you can’t then do something kind for someone else and instantly you will feel the joy unconditionally.

 

Then keep going to the next moment and the next. Until you are asleep. Then do it again.

 

By conditioning yourself that happiness is an option without the drama or pain, you create more of it. Not the sappy happy Pollyanna happiness, but true happiness that feels honest and resonates with your soul. And that’s pretty tasty and sucker-free. So go get it. Namaste.

Happiness Alert: How To Handle IT When It Hits

How to Do the Doo.

How to Do the Doo.

                        

Each day, we get an opportunity to experience a brand new day of uncertainties. Isn’t that amazing?

 

(Cue crickets.)

 

Some days are filled with pure happiness like an unexpected friend from out of town. Or maybe you paid a bill on time that you though you were late on. Maybe a deadline has postponed. Someone you were interested in texted you back. Or you have leftovers in the fridge you forgot about that are still good for dinner. Maybe you found some money. The scale was wrong. They smiled at you. We would judge these as “good” uncertainties generally speaking.

 

But then, there can be the other unexpected uncertainties that provide minor irritations, frustrations, and “why me or why now?” batty conversations we have with ourselves about missed deadlines or calls. Also included are traffic delays, expired milk, “they didn’t call back”, or you’ve been ghosted experiences.

 

Lastly, there are the FULL ON uncertainties. IT is the IT. The truckload coming at you at death wish speed and reeking like everyone’s business. And even if you had awareness of IT coming toward your way, you can’t stop IT. IT is a sickness, financial crisis, the prognosis, betrayal, death, unemployment or loss of love. IT is THE STUFF. IT is mind-blowing, soul-crushing, and makes you want to devour a bag of anything. Swim in a large glass of something. Scream at the top of your lungs.

 

And then do it again.

 

So how do you handle life’s uncertainties? When IT hits?

 

You begin with a choice. You must decide. You must use this moment to create awareness to bring you closer or further away from your happiness.

 

You can be the fan or the fertilizer when the shizzle hits.

 

 

THE FAN

In your big life situation, you can be the fan. You know the one that gets hit? You can be the big ole rusty fan that becomes clogged with the stuff that slows your blades down. It takes all your momentum, all your energy and you’re just barely moving. And what you are giving off is the air of pure rotting despair. IT doesn’t matter how you look at IT. IT stinks and you’re propelling this foulness all around you.

 

THE FERTILIZER

But there is another way. The way of the fertilizer is responding and not reacting. It puts you in touch with your inner farmer and fertilizer. The scoop is BE the poop. Be the fertilizer. Here’s how you do it.

 

Submit to IT

When you encounter the big life event you can navigate it more efficiently by simply accepting IT. Now, you don’t have to fight it or wallow in it. Simply submit to it. By not spinning about what past actions caused it or what other bad things can happen in the future, you stay in the present moment. This is where you power comes from. In this moment you are ready to take whatever comes your way.

 

Grin and Bear IT

Realize it’s temporary – the stink doesn’t last forever. Grin and bear it. Like all events, as time passes, the intensity will lessen. With that said it doesn’t mean it’s going to be a rose garden, but there is potential to grow that garden. You must grow your patience. Everyone can bounce back but it happens in different times. Don’t despair, walk through it one present moment at a time.

 

During these times, extreme care is necessary. Exercise, support groups, friends, family, healthy eating, prayer, meditation, being in nature and service to others will all help you heal and deal.

 

Find the Benefit of IT

Harness the potential of growth. This is the benefit of IT. Anything you experience as an intense hardship or challenge will give you growth. Look back at the various times in your life, when you didn’t think you could do it, you got through it and here you are. You got through the bad relationship, the bankruptcy, the illness, the anger, the depression, sadness, the dark night of the soul, or simply not eating the entire bag of Ruffles. Now you are stronger and wiser with more tools to farm the next bale of life’s uncertainties.

 

Practice your TRUE GRIT

When you get to the other side know that this too is only temporary. True grit is bravery in action. It’s trusting your intuition more. It’s kicking of the shit off your boots knowing you made it this far and you’re ready for the next step all while helping someone else out who has been hit with IT.

 

Today your happiness depends on this moment of awareness. When the moment of uncertainty rises in your day, decide in advance. Are you going to be the fan or the fertilizer? Commit to IT. Grow your greatness. Grow your courage. Grow your happiness. Grow your abundance. And then share it because we all need it and we need you. Right now. You are the shizzle. Namaste.

Rock Your Fears Out and Your Anthem In

 

When it doubt, ROCK IT OUT.

When it doubt, ROCK IT OUT.

 

Want abundance, love, or happiness?

 

One question.

 

In life, do you rock your fears or put your desires to an anthem?

 

If you rock your anthem then what rock song sings and screams your desires?

 

Do you want financial security? Like a Rock (Bob Seger?)

 

Do you want companionship? I want to Rock with You (Michael Jackson)

 

Do you want kids? Rock the Cradle Of Love (Billy Idol)

 

Do you want respect in your career? … For Those About to Rock We will Salute You. (ACDC)

 

Do you want to create a movement for good? We will Rock You (Queen)

 

Do you need more time in your life? … Rock Around the Clock (Bill Haley and the Comets)

 

Do you want to rule your life? … King of Rock (RUN DMC)

 

If you want a life worth living then it is vital to rock your fears out and rock your anthem in until you have reached you desires or your goals.

 

Many times in life, when we decide to go for something we want in life, almost instantly we get resistance. Depending how we handle that resistance, we can be rocking with fear for years until we get to the point you don’t even remember what we wanted in the first place.

 

But if we want to rock a new tune we must take the steps in a new direction

 

 

Rock Talk

First things first. In order to know what we want in our lives, we must to get a clear picture in our mind. VERY CLEAR. What do we want? Why do we want it? How long will it take us to get there? What are our challenges? How much of our life is worth spending over this? And finally, how will we feel when we get the thing we desire? What’s your anthem for life? And if it’s a crappy song, by all means change your anthem! If you haven’t given you dreams and desires that much thought, then make a date with yourself and jot down your ideas.

 

If you’re not sure where to start, write down what you don’t want. After you notice your list, begin to write down the opposite of that list.

 

For example:

I don’t want an abusive relationship.

I want to be in a relationship with someone I’m attracted to and someone with whom I can be myself and have fun.

 

I don’t want a dead end job where I waste my life trying to pay the damn bills.

I want a job in which (fill in the blank) I’m appreciated and working with a team. I want to enjoy my work and make a difference.

 

By getting clear of the details of the dreams of your life, you create the reality of what’s possible and this helps diminish initial fears.

 

Rock Walk

The next step is to take any step to help you move closer to your dreams. It could be anything from online research to locating people who can help mentor you or counsel you. Enlist a friend or family member that you can trust to share your dreams and create accountability. Step away from people who don’t support you or bring negativity to your life.

Every minute, hour, step and action move you either closer or further way from your potential. Move closer. Create awareness to notice if you are moving in the right direction. And if you’re not, notice what is working or not working.

 

 

Rock Stalk

The last step is to stalk your dreams and desires like there is no tomorrow because someday they could be the reality. Just don’t go doing something that could cause harm to others or do something insane that could inspire a Lifetime movie. This should go without out saying.

Each day do something that guides you closer to your dream. This could be just visualizing, meditating or creating a plan how to manifest your desires. And by adding consistent and constant action, you create momentum and new possibilities. By strengthening this mindset muscle everyday, fear has no time to create a new playlist.

 

Each day we witness people change their tune and create their anthem for something that brings abundance, love, or happiness into their lives. There are plenty of role models out there and ways to do it. Get started. Right now would be perfect.

 

You already have it in you. Rock your fears. Rock the anthem of your desires and dreams into reality. The world needs your song to inspire others. Spandex or leather pants are always optional. Namaste.

  Happiness Alert: How to Stop Attracting Dissatisfaction.

 

Woof. Stop attracting what you don't want.

Woof. Stop attracting what you don’t want.

 

My life changed when I heard the first fart.

 

Then the belch.

 

Then another sputtering fart.

 

Santa had come to our house. Santa didn’t have gastric issues, but he did leave a few presents that I thought were undesirable. I almost hid them in the closet. Almost.

 

I didn’t know but in that one shiny Christmas moment, I was attracting dissatisfaction. I tangled my tinsel tightly. I expected and projected dread when my sons opened their gifts. They were going to hate it and I was going to hate hearing them hate it. And then I was going to hate hearing the electronic farts and belches coming from rubber dogs with fake vomit coming out of their mouths.

 

But I was wrong. Dog gone it wrong.

 

My stinking kids loved these gross furry beings. They couldn’t get enough. Their squeals and hysterical laughing covered up all the gassy sound effects. It was loud. It was spontaneous. And in the end, it was awesome.

 

But I almost killed a moment of happiness with my attraction to dissatisfaction.

 

It’s ridiculous how much we all do it.

It’s scary to know how much it can sabotage our happiness. Everyday.

 

In just one moment our attraction to dissatisfaction can be ignited…

 

When we get on the scale and expect high numbers

When we look at our bank account and expect low numbers

When we look at the check out line and expect it will take forever.

When we go into a short meeting and that it expect it to last a lifetime.

When we go to the doctor and expect to hear something awful.

When we meet somebody new and expect something to be wrong with them whether it’s our new boss or significant other.

When we look in the mirror.

When we think about how we feel about ourselves.

 

When we expect dissatisfaction, we get it. And even when we are disappointed (yet again), we get some freakish comfort that “we were right”. We have our certainty and that means something to us when we life in a life full of uncertainties. Like farts.

 

But if we want to experience happiness on a moment-to-moment basis, we must do something different. We must make a shift. Woof. Let’s do this.

 

3 Ways to Stop Attracting Dissatisfaction

 

  1. Know that Old Dog’s Trick

You’ve been around for a while. Take a moment to reflect about how you think, expect or believe things happen or don’t happen in your life. Do you look at life with a half full glass, a cracked glass, or even a shot glass? Now, think about why you think like this? How does it serve you? Are you afraid of the unknown? Are you afraid of disappointment? Are you just plain afraid? There isn’t a right or wrong answer, only understanding on how you use this habit to keep you surviving through life.

 

Next, once you understand what’s been going on to create the attraction of dissatisfaction, you are ready for something better than surviving. Ready for thriving, and if so, then it’s time to…

 

  1. Raise the Bone or the Bar

When it comes to raising the bar, we normally live up to our expectations whether they are high or low. We even live up to other’s expectations of us unconsciously. This is why it’s extremely important to be in charge of your bar because no one is going raise it like you can. What do you want in life? What do you think you can have? What will it take to get there? Will you do whatever it takes? Only you know what you can do, so raise that bar and go fetch it.

 

  1. Kindly Sniff it Out

To stop attracting dissatisfaction, you need to use more than positive thinking. Cultivating the thinking of possibility partnered with the action of pursuit will always put you closer to the people and things that you desire.

 

Just like a dog on a mission to a fire hydrant, it’s important to know that good things can come your way and you deserve them and can have them.

 

This is where the mindfulness comes in. When you have created a positive desired outcome – the stuff that you want – it’s equally important to be aware if you are getting closer or father from it in your moment to moment actions or thoughts.

If you are moving away from the things that create happiness in you, then stop and think what can you do in this moment to get closer to your outcome. Maybe you need assistance, maybe you need more information, or maybe you need to change your attitude or perspective. At any rate, the process of sniffing it out and being flexible enough to change directions to move in the direction of happiness will be worth it.

 

How much is it worth?

 

There are numerous studies that show that how we feel changes the chemical makeup of our bodies. More stress hormones cause our hearts to work harder, age faster, and create a negative outlook, which can affect our memories and our life spans as well.

 

How much is your life worth?

 

Throughout the day if you feel less than what you desire, then put down the bone of dissatisfaction, and start focusing and chasing something that really matters to you in this lifetime. Health. Abundance. Connection. Love. And then, go get it like you mean it. Woof and namaste.

 

What do you want to attract today?

3 Things to Do When You Run Out of Love

   

Don't give up on love.

Don’t give up on love.

                    

I work with several people a day. On some occasions, it’s a hundred. I love the opportunity to work, to play, to create and serve others. It juices me. I was designed for this. It is my purpose.

 

But somedays…

 

I don’t feel loving. Quite frankly, I feel the opposite. And I’m not even hormonaI at those times. I simply feel annoyed. I feel agitated and I feel impatient. And sometimes, I feel like kicking somebody in the butt. Sometimes I feel like kicking me in the butt.

 

And this is my absolute sure sign that I have run out of love.

 

This is not a deep-seated depression or road rage. It’s simply a day or so where I don’t feel loving. It happens to all of us. You know the feeling. Oh, yes, you do.

 

It’s the feeling when you can’t drag yourself to work anymore.

 

It’s the sensation when all of your co-workers drive you completely insane. (Even the so called “nice and normal ones”.)

 

It’s when everyone on the road is an idiot and the people at the stores are related to them.

 

It’s when you look in the mirror and roll your eyes. Or worse yet, you don’t even look in the mirror because why would you want to?

 

It’s when you don’t even look at TV or Facebook because it’s the same ole, same ole.

 

It’s when you fake smile at anyone but on the inside you’re scowling.

 

Even you family and pets annoy you.

 

Life sucks a little.

 

And here’s how you get that loving feeling back a little a time. The reason I say a little at time is because when you have run out of love, you don’t really have the time, energy, or motivation to climb a mountain, sky dive or meditate for several hours to “find yourself”. So do this instead…

 

 

Love Yourself A Little

Now, I’ll be the first one to say that even when I’m feeling okay, when I hear someone say the phrase “love yourself”, I want to hit them hard with a box of Samoa Girl Scout Cookies. But especially when I’m not feeling loving. And when you have run out of love, it’s really a challenge to carrying on a sweet affair with yourself when you are self-loathing. So just love yourself a little.

 

A little is doable. For me, loving myself a little would look like me taking a nap for a hour. I could love myself a little by being in my house by myself in silence, not answering the phone, a text, or being on social media. Loving myself could also be walking outside, taking a super hot bath or just sitting on the couch with a book.

 

When I take time to love myself a little, it helps take off the edge. I can feel my being soften, and it’s easier to see where I have not been taking care of my own needs. And I don’t need all day to discover this. And when I’ve taken the time for me, then I can go to the next step.

 

 

Love Someone Else A Pinch

You don’t have to be a people person to do this next step and that is why I like this one. When you have run out of love, it’s very difficult to be loving or even civil to others. But when you are intentionally kind to someone else, it pulls you out of your head and into the present moment. For example, at my kid’s school the elderly crossing guard didn’t show up on Friday. People were freaking out and demanding to know what happened. Who dropped the ball and who was going to pay for putting potential children in jeopardy? On Monday, when people got out of their anger mode and someone asked the crossing guard what happened, we found out he had to rush his wife to the emergency and she was still there.

 

In that moment, parents came out the woodwork to help this man with gift cards and offered potluck dinners. It softened everyone’s heart and by everyone loving this crossing guard a pinch, it was contagious and then turned into a lovefest.

 

 

Love Someone Outside Your Circle a Tiny Bit

After you loved yourself a little and loved someone else, it’s time to expand your influence and love outside your sphere. This can be a co-worker you don’t know well to a neighbor to a charity or organization that you believe in. And if you’re so depleated from running out of love and don’t know where you can go, peek at the Facebook page HONY. Every day the amazing humanitarian and photographer Brandon brings pictures and stories of others who have lived in conditions or experiences that our worst night mares couldn’t produce. And it’s humbling. You feel the gratitude and love for your own life, your own set of circumstances. By bearing witness to others who are in hard places, you compassion grows as well as the loving magnitude you can project.

 

By doing something kind for someone you know or don’t know, like open a door for a stranger at the grocery store, you sending a message to your higher self that good things can happen in the world and you can create them.

 

Like love.

 

Creating awareness and knowing when you have run out of love is a vital starting point to generating happiness. Taking action to do something different and take care of your needs is the most loving thing you can do for yourself and the world.

 

The world loves you and says, “thank you.” I love you and say, “thank you”. Now, would you like a Samoa?

 

 

What is the smallest thing you can do for yourself or others? Now, do it.