How to Enjoy the Coziness of Happiness Once and For All

Stop spinning. Happiness awaits.

Stop spinning. Happiness awaits.

 

It’s easy to do, just like drinking coffee.

From the moment I wake up, I can become aware of all the things I see lack in.

 

The dirty laundry.

The clean laundry that hasn’t been folded.

Vitamins that beckon to be taken.

Bills and paper that need to be filled, shredded, or recycled

Fridge could use a good scrubbing… and the bathroom.

And while I’m at it, my car needs to be cleaned.

I need to call my doctor for a physical.

I need to finish that new book before starting on another.

 

Before I know it I have not been fully conscious or awake for five minutes yet I have killed the coziness of happiness.

 

I could carry on like this all day, all week, all month, all year and all of my life.

 

But what helps me is to stop spinning in the crazy.

 

Spinning in the crazy is all the things we do that we think are helping us by obsessing or worrying about them but the only thing they do is take from our time and getting cozy with the moment.

 

Here are 4 ways to stop spinning in the crazy.

 

  1. Acknowledge the past and but don’t live there.

If you’re like most people everyday you encounter some sort of failure. Maybe you forget to pay a bill. Run out of gas. Say something you regret. Or maybe it’s an ongoing issue, like staying too long in a relationship that isn’t working or in a job that no longer is a good fit for you and your life. Once the realization creates awareness that this isn’t working for you or your happiness, create a shift to do something different.

 

By doing something different, I don’t mean posting on Facebook about what’s wrong with your life or making a scrapbook about it. It’s doing something to move in the direction that you want or desire to move in. One step. Then another. Maybe you put a reminder on your phone to remind you about your bills. Maybe you never let your tank go down past half a tank. Maybe you decide to have “the talk” with your significant other or boss. Taking action and creating momentum will keep us in the moment and out of the past of crazy.

 

  1. Nobody is looking at you.

 The second way to stop spinning in the crazy is to understand completely that no one is looking at you. Really. Yes, people love you. But no one’s looking at you and all your mistakes because they are spinning in their own abundancy of lack or what’s not going right in their lives. If you been around the last few decades, you will undeniably see how we as a species have ramped up the need for information and because of this, we have extremely shorter attention spans. So if you think that people are judging you and all your decisions and your life choices, think again. Now they are off to the next shiny thing that has pulled their attention. Now, don’t you feel better? I know I do.

 

  1. Get the help you need

Here’s the funny thing. While we think everyone is always looking at us all the time, we also hold the belief that no one will help us. This is also not a thought that serves us. In any area of our life, there is someone who has either gone through it or there is professional support such as counseling, therapy or other organizations to help you in the areas of growth.

 

So whether you need help with handing your finances, your education, your career track, or your relationships, it’s out there. All you have to do is create the shift and do something different and reach out for assistance.

 

  1. Build on the small happiness moments

We tend to think that happiness will come to us after we have accomplished a certain thing or met the right person. But happiness is a moment to moment thing and there is a lot of uncertainty in it. This is why we lean into the negative thoughts, because we know that without out a doubt that those bad things “will come up” and this type of certainty brings us a little peace because we are right.

In order to shift into something different and cozy up to happiness, we need to get used to being in the moment without projecting that something bad is going to happen right around the corner. By staying in the moment that we are in and not the future or past, we can feel what is right in that moment.

So, if you didn’t pay the electric bill yesterday, don’t fret. Tell yourself you will take care of it today, and then let it go. If you are in a job that isn’t your ideal job, be grateful that you have a job and do you best today knowing that you won’t be there forever. Then take one action today to move closer to your next job whether it’s a call or email.

 

As humans we all strive for happiness, we say we want it, but we have the habit of looking at what is not right in our lives. We create conditions that create barriers to our happiness. By creating awareness of the moment we are in and shifting in the direction that we want to go by taking small steps, we can finally cozy up to happiness in a long-term relationship. Now, find those Snuggies. Namaste.

Drowning in Complacency? Here’s How to Create an Epic Life

Make bigger waves.

Make bigger waves.

         

Are you predictable?

 

Is your day predictable?

 

Can you pretty much predict how your day will go this week?

 

If you answered “yes” to the questions above, let’s tread in deeper water.

 

Are you complacent? If you’re not sure and you’re floating on your back wondering about this, here are a few things to consider if you and your life are drowning in complacency.

 

Is there anything that you are scared about or even excited about in the near future?

Opening up your bills does not count.

 

Are you learning or trying something new?

Opening up the fridge with your opposite hand doesn’t count.

 

Does your life present surprise or change at least weekly?

Watching who will remain on the Bachelor doesn’t count.

 

Do you like change?

Changing your underwear doesn’t count.

 

Do you have ambition?

Playing Powerball or mixing colors with whites while doing the laundry doesn’t count.

 

Are you growing in all levels of your life?

Pant sizes and credit card balances don’t count.

 

If you answered no to some or even all of these questions, there is a pretty good chance that you are in the deep end of complacency.

 

And this is okay. Kiss your brain because step one is awareness.

 

Don’t take this lightly, this is huge. We all crave some type of normalcy and consistency in our lives. But overtime when we aren’t growing or evolving, we can be pulled into the undertow of complacency. And if you’re drowning in complacency, you may not know it until it’s too late. So what can you do?

 

You can make waves.

 

Big ones.

 

Tsunami-size waves.

 

The waves that your arms and legs make from thrashing about as if you were trying to flee from Jaws. Like your life depended on it. And guess what? It does.

 

Let’s start with making waves in your HOME.

 

Look at place in your life where being predicable and boring is no longer serving you. Cause waves by revamping your workout schedule, your eating, how you spend your free time, how you take care of your finances or your home.

 

Make waves by taking a garbage bag and pack up all the items you don’t use and donate them to Goodwill. Then simply be grateful for all the possessions you do have in your house and know that you have enough.

 

Next, lets look at making waves at WORK.

 

Is your job predicable? Are you just going in just to make a buck? Honesty will help you make bigger waves. Do your coworkers excite you and help you grow in the field you are in? If not, cause waves by looking for other opportunities or job possibilities.

Make waves by finally starting on the projects close to your heart that you have been putting on the back burner.

 

If you know you are going to stay in your job for a while then maybe its time to cause waves of change on how you perceive yourself and how you serve others in your job. Maybe you’re not the youngest on the team, but you can perceive yourself as the most valuable, wise, compassionate and passionate on the team. Even the tiniest perception or mind shift can cause the biggest waves.

 

Lastly, let’s look at those RELATIONSHIPS.

 

Do you like hanging with your friends? Your significant other? Your family? Is the time you spend with them invigorating or depleting? If it’s the latter, make waves. Change the places where you meet people. Change the activities that you do with others. If you hang around people that don’t embrace you or are toxic, make waves and let them go so that you may welcome others in. Check out that club, the dating service, the church, the marathon, the band, and the hair salon that also serves you a glass of wine.

 

When you are creating waves of meaning for your life, you need to know what is the most important thing in your life right now like your health, your abundance, your family, your friends, and your life’s purpose.

 

And never again take them for granted. Not for a single second. Create urgency for the things in life that matter and make the waves of an epic lifetime. Namaste.

Life Under Pressure? Do This.

Under Pressure?

Under Pressure?

 

Welcome to your life. How’s it going? While many of us should just be grateful that we woke up to see another day, a large majority of us roll our eyes and take a shallow breath as we drag our assets throughout another day under pressure. Our goal for the day is to just “make it through.” Through another cup of coffee. Through traffic. Through lunch. Through a meeting. Through a box of donuts. Through the door. Through the paycheck. Through the week, the month, the year.

 

It’s easy to pinpoint what we’d like to be better in our lives because we repeatedly think the same negative thoughts over and over again. With each day the pressure rises as everything stays the same and only thing that changes is the day of the week.

 

Our capability for happiness feels under pressure.

 

While we may not be strutting in our kitchens singing out loud the lyrics of the David Bowie/Queen hit, we subconsciously make a mental list of where our lives are under pressure and are rising to a boiling point.

 

Now, take a breath.

 

 

Where do you feel pressure in life and want to change?

 

Is it time to look for another job or career?

 

Is it time to either get counseling with your significant other or part ways?

 

Do you need to start saving money for a retirement fund or emergency fund or do you just need to stop going into overdrafts?

 

Do you need to spend time figuring out your purpose in life?

 

Do you need to step up on the scale?

 

Do you need to have those important conversations with loved ones about health issues?

 

Do you need to have those important conversations with yourself about health issues?

 

Is your day full of activities and “doing”, but you still feel empty?

 

Are you tired of being alone?

 

Take another breath.

 

Your list could go on and on. Everyone’s could. But in order to experience something different AKA HAPPINESS, we need to do something different.

 

We need to take action. Like now. In this moment.

 

The irony is that when create the desire for things to change and finally decide to take action, those negatron voices pop up in our head of why we shouldn’t and it makes us nuts. We “should” all over ourselves. This creates inaction and fear.

 

While inaction is indeed an action of sorts, it sucks. It sucks the life out of you. Slowly. Who wants a serving of happiness suckage? No one.

 

But, by overcoming the resistance of inaction and taking action you can encounter 3 Big Happiness Attractions

 

Happiness Attraction #1 GAIN MOUNTAINS OF MOTIVATION

 

By first taking action, you will experience motivation. For example, maybe you don’t want to work out. If you do nothing, you get nothing. But if you at the very least put your running shoes on, you would definitely be more motivated to move more. Even if it was only running around in your own house.

 

Happiness Attraction #2 GATHER INTRIGUING INFORMATION

 

Maybe you want to look into getting a new job or career but you can’t even think about looking because you’re too exhausted at the end of the day with the job you have now. By taking the smallest action, like Googling jobs or talking to a friend about possible job leads, you could get more information than you had before. And like Happiness Attraction #1, this could lead to more motivation and information to forge a new pathway for you.

 

Maybe you need to take care of a family member and are about to become the primary caretaker. If you took action to make the initial call to meet with them about their health care situation, this would easily propel you to start gathering information to help make the conversation flow easier and with more confidence.

 

Happiness Attraction #3 CREATE CONSTANT COURAGE

 

Doing something different requires energy and action. And by taking action that is different from your normal everyday patterns, you help rewire your brain that you can do something different. This creates courage that can help you continue toward your desires. It’s one thing to think about doing something, but only action creates the courage to take on going back to school, start a business, or starting a family. So start small. Want to start a business? Find someone who is doing what you want to do. Take them out for coffee and ask them how did they do it.

 

Want to start a family? Babysit someone’s kids. All day long. Ask friends and family what the biggest expenses were and what surprised them about fertility issues or becoming parents. All this information can assist with creating courage to go for the things you want in this lifetime.

 

Many times through life, this intense pressure of dissatisfaction we feel is our own mental creation. Good or bad, it’s just a thought. By taking action even in small amounts, we can pop the bubble of negativity and doubt and release the pressure to love ourselves enough to have the courage to create our own happiness. Namaste.

How to Be Enough

Enough. You are enough.

Enough. You are enough.

Happy New Year!

How do you get through holidays?

Did you do enough? Did you get enough? Many times we are in the frenzy of the season, we can’t even lift up our heads to enjoy the season much less ourselves.

and when it’s over we feel depleted again.

 

Not enough.

 

We start with new resolutions, new goals, we start comparing ourselves to each other thinking that

 

She lost weight faster than I did.

He has a better car than I have.

I wish I could go on vacation like that family.

She never has trouble getting dates.

Life is easier for him or her.

I wish I could keep my house clean… save money… look like them.

 

 

At the end of each thought and each day, we still feel like we are not enough.

 

So what can we do to stop this insanity, this mindless brain chatter that creeps up consistently?

 

We can simply shift.

 

The definition of shift means to move or cause to move from one place to another especially over a small distance” or “change the emphasis, direction or focus”.

 

So we can make small moves to change the focus of being not enough to enough.

 

Shift in Mind

The first shift is in our minds. By being mindful and creating awareness that we are creating judgment and comparison is huge. Many times, our brains ramp up into reaction mode. We react, judge, compare, and then feel the pangs of not being enough. For example, we may be going through our own inner turmoil about money. We see a friend, co-worker or family member who has money, and we are quick to judge that they have it easier and send a message both consciously and unconsciously to ourselves that we do not because we are not enough. If we were enough, then we wouldn’t be in this situation.

 

When you catch yourself comparing, simply notice it. Don’t beat yourself up about because it’s natural for your brain to do this to protect you. Simply remind yourself that this is simply a thought. Remind yourself, “Not my movie”. Your life is different and so is the movie of your life. By comparing yourself to others you are casting yourself in their movie and drama. And it’s not your movie. Trust me, everybody has their own battles to fight and if you really knew other people’s pain, you wouldn’t want to be in their movie much less buy a ticket to it.

 

 

Shift in Kind

The second shift is being kind to ourselves first, foremost, and always. It begins small and in little ways. For example, if you are trying not to drink so much coffee and you just poured yourself a third cup, remind yourself that this is your third cup and after this one, you’re going to do something different. This is a kinder option instead of berating yourself for forgetting.

 

If your house is filled with stuff and clutter and you don’t even know where to begin, then create a shift in kindness and remind yourself you have more enough in your house. By cleaning up, you can share what you don’t need with others or Goodwill.

 

Creating a shift in kindness is not designed to get you “off the hook” if you are engaging in behaviors that don’t serve you. It’s designed to help you look for place to be kind to remind yourself that you are on the right track, you are doing the best you can with the awareness you have in this moment. And things can evolve into better resolutions and opportunities with awareness and kindness to yourself first. And this can be shared with others.

 

As you move through out your days and you start judging or comparing, simply shift in your mind and your kindness. Remind yourself, that’s not your movie. Over time, by creating this small habit you will not only love the movie you are in. That you have created because you now live in the role that you are enough and have always be that way since your movie began. Namaste.

Discover Happiness with the Coexistence of Resistance

Coexist with Resistance

Yes. You can. Coexist with Resistance.

 

Happy New Year.

 

Happy New to You.

 

Does this sound familiar?

 

I want to lose 60 pounds… Why did I eat those Fritos?

 

I want a to find someone and be in a loving relationship…Why did I just watch a season of Game of Thrones, Orange is the New Black and Saved By the Bell?

 

I want to buy my own home… Why did I just spend my savings at McDonalds and Starbucks?

 

I want to start and exercise program… Why do I want to take a nap?

 

I want to be an artist… Why was I on Facebook for 3 hours?

 

I want to start a new career…Why can’t I find my resume?

 

I want to clean my house and do my laundry. Nevermind.

 

No, I really don’t and don’t even ask me about when I’m taking down my real Christmas tree. I’ll unfriend you. Right after my Fritos.

 

It’s a new year and that’s awesome. But the reality is that the majority of people who create resolutions don’t keep them. If you make it past the first two weeks, you’re fighting the odds with resistance.

 

If you’re tired of fighting with yourself, and tired of fighting with resistance and all the negativity you blab to yourself, then here is something you can do right now to bring happiness and peace your way.

 

You have to be brave to do it because it’s not for wimps.

 

Here you go.

 

You must stop fighting.

 

Yep. That’s it.

 

Stop making resistance the bad guy.

 

Here’s how you do it.

 

First, ifor anything that you desire or want to change, there is going to be an unknown factor. You don’t know if it’s going to work out. You may feel stupid for going for it. It may cause discomfort. Maybe even gas. The point being… you don’t have 100% control of the future.

 

Resistance isn’t the bad guy. It just pops up to keep us where we deep down feel is safe. It’s trying really hard to be your BFF, not your enemy.

 

So here is how you can coexist with resistance.

 

Create Awareness

First is to become aware that when resistance is happening you are fully present and being mindful of what is happening.

 

For example, if you are trying to lose weight and make healthy choices, by day 3 you might be over it. You might start ripping a bag of whatever salty badness you can devour. This is when it’s important to call out this resistance. Not that you are saying no to the chips, but that you are resisting making healthy choices.

 

Just call it out. “I’m tired of being good and I’m feeling the resistance of making better choices”.

 

Now will this prevent you from inhaling the bag? Perhaps. But what it does is give your brain a moment to catch up and recognize what is happening. You give yourself a chance to respond instead of react. And more times than not, even if you did eat the chips it would far less than if you didn’t create that mindfulness.

Know Your Bigger Why

Next, when you feel tempted to go against your goals, and you feel resistance creeping around, remember why it’s was so important to you and your life to create these goals is the first place. If you have a dream or a goal and a little resistance can kill it, then it wasn’t a dream. It was simply an idea or a wish. Your “why” must be strong enough to keep you moving everyday in some way to attain your goal even with the resistance wrestling with you every step.

 

For example, if you want to lose weight so you can brag that you can fit into a smaller pair of pants at Banana Republic, bring on the Fritos. Heck, bring the entire 24 variety pack sack. Your “why” will die. It wasn’t a big enough reason to move you to do whatever it takes to make it happen. Resistance will beat you up and eat your chips every time.

 

Now, if you want to lose weight so that you can travel the world, get married, have kids, see and play with your grandkids or even granddogs, that’s an even bigger why.

 

And an extra secret is to really reflect what will happen if you don’t get your “why”. If you don’t lose weight then you will die at early age. You will experience massive pain. You won’t get to create the experience and enjoy the happiness of all the things you love doing or dared to dream about.

 

Your “why” needs to be strong enough for you to help you coexist successfully with resistance and STILL move in the direction to discover and experience your happiness.

 

Gather Your VIP Peeps or Mentors

Lastly, if you want to attain all your dreams and goals while coexisting with resistance, you must also enlist others to help you or use their example to model their success. This is not a sign of weakness but of wisdom. You are wise enough to know what you want and who can support you. Even look for role models in books, videos and online. When resistance comes snuggling up to you, you won’t spend the time fighting with it because now you have people that will help you be accountable in going after your goal or dreams. And mentors in all forms to help you remember what is possible. They have made peace with their resistance and still kept the focus and persistence to create what they desire.

 

In this moment, when it comes to your life, this is it. We only have a relativity short time here. Don’t waste it fighting with resistance. Your dreams, goals and desires are worth fighting for to create a meaningful happy life. So don’t give up. Don’t resist. Now, I’m ready to put down my bag of Fritos and strip my tree. Namaste.

 

What goals and dreams are you ready to make really happen?

3 Secrets of Getting What You Want by Using The Force

Use the Force for Good.

Use the Force for Good.

What do you want? We can ask Santa to bring it to us. We can set New Year’s resolutions to wish for it. Or we can be like Yoda and The Force.

 

Today, let’s use The Force.

 

When it comes to getting what you want, there are two big questions.

 

  1. What do you want?
  2. How do you want to feel?

 

It’s crucial to know not just what you want, but to understand how getting what you want is going to make you feel. Two people can want the same exact thing and have different feelings attached to them.

 

For example, one person may want a new boyfriend or girlfriend. For that person the end feeling may be they want to feel happiness by being in love.

 

For another person, they may be after the feeling of security. This person may feel safe in a relationship because they do not have to experience their fear of being alone. Or living with a Wookie.

 

Same thing goes with the goal of making money. One person could have the desire to make more money to feel the freedom of having more options in life. For someone else who wants to make more money, the feeling they want to experience is the pure security of having their basic needs met.

 

Having the goal of losing weight may come with the desire to feel healthy and avoid getting sick or dying at a young age. For another person, that same weight loss could make someone feel more accepting of their body, more attractive, and less like Jabba the Hut. Same goal. Different feelings attached to reaching that goal.

 

So how do you get what you want so you can experience all those feelings you desire? You use the Force.

 

The Force of Resourcefulness.

 

Your resourcefulness.

 

Now, before your fantastic brain starts listing and spitting out all the resources that you lack because you don’t know how to use the Force, hang tight, young Jedi.

 

Here are Three Secrets of Getting What You Want by Using the Force.

Secret #1. Divorce Your Remorse

Luke: “I can’t believe it.”

Yoda: “That is why you fail.”

 

It’s one thing to know what you want. It’s another thing to know you can have it.

It is a common trap to believe we can’t have something or achieve something because we don’t have it yet. And this crappy consistent negative thinking will only bring about the same result, which is lack. And that’s crap. Crap-lack.

 

To divorce the feeling of lack, we only need to take a moment to remember. Just think of a time when we didn’t get something or something didn’t happen. But in time, it did.

 

If you can’t remember and “can’t believe it,’” let me refresh your memory.

 

When you were a baby, you didn’t know how to walk or talk the first time. As a toddler, you didn’t know how to poop and wipe the first time.

 

If you can read this now, chances are you have mastered walking, talking and pooping. Please don’t send any Instagram photos, I don’t need any proof. My psychic feedback tells me you have already gone pro.

 

But when it comes to getting what you want in life and you haven’t gotten it yet, have the faith in yourself to stay the course. Be mindful that this moment is different from the past. Allow your point of view to have the flexibility of possibilities.

 

As Yoda suggested, “Many truths that we cling on depend on our point of view.”

 

So cling to a good one. A really good one.

 

Secret #2: Enforce Your Resources

Luke: “What’s in there?”

Yoda: “Only what you take with you.”

 

The second secret to using the Force is to use your resources. When it comes to resources, it’s not what you have or not, it’s using what you have effectively and wisely.

 

For example, in my younger years dating was not easy for me. Latina, short like Yoda, I had big boobs, a big mouth, heard spirits and was a little above average intelligence. (Not much has changed over the decades.) In my mind, I wasn’t the 5’8 blonde with the soft, sweet, kind syrupy voice. Or even Princess Leia-like.

 

But I knew I wanted companionship. I wanted to spend my time with someone who cared for me and I could love. And experience the feeling of love. So, I pulled myself and my little Yoda legs up by my Jedi bootstraps and used the resources I had.

 

I loved people. I loved making friends. I loved having fun. I liked trying new things. I loved really listening to people and helping them. By doing what came natural to me and what I loved to do, I met people. I met lots of people and their cousins, and their friends, and their bosses. In that process, I had the chance to meet, make friends, help people and in the end, found someone I could spend my life with. Did it happen overnight? No. Was it worth it? It’s been almost 25 years worth (dark side and all.)

 

Now, I could have cursed my life away and to become a Vader-hater. Instead, I started to use the Force of Resources and you can too.

 

How can you use your natural talents or abilities to get what you desire?

What can you use that you enjoy doing to get what you want in life?

Who do you know that can help you?

Who has or is doing what you want?

What is another way to get what you want that you would be willing to try?

 

These are just a few questions you could ask yourself when you reflect and remember all the resources that are available to you.

 

By using your resources, you create momentum to take action to get closer to what you want in life. And this IS secret #3.

Secret #3. Use Your Task – Force

 Yoda: “Do or not. There is no try.”

 

Yoda doesn’t mince words here and this is why he uses the Force, like a boss.

And like Yoda, you can be the boss of your own life and just do it.

 

It’s not enough to know what you want and why you want it. It’s not enough to reframe your thinking about what you know is possible. It’s not enough to know your resources. But these combined with you taking consistent action will yield amazing results.

 

This is your Task-Force Resource. This means each and everyday that you humanly can, you will do a task that is in your own power or control to move closer to what you desire. If you don’t think it’s possible to do something everyday, then let me help you refresh your memory again.

 

You probably brush your teeth everyday… if you didn’t you’d lose them.

You probably eat everyday… if you didn’t, you’d probably perish.

It’s fair to say, you breathe everyday… if you didn’t, you wouldn’t be reading this.

 

So if you can do these things everyday, can’t you do something, a task to make your life meaningful and fabulous? Sure you can.

 

I thought so, so put that light saber down, already.

 

Think small steps. Really small. Like Yoda’s feet small.

 

Want to have love in your life?

Start small: Start smiling more to people in your everyday life. Just do it.

 

Want to be a millionaire?

Start small: Save that five bucks at Starbucks and open a savings account. Start tracking your spending each day. And keep doing it each day.

 

Want to start your own business?

Start small: Find someone who is doing exactly what you want to do and find out how they got started. If they are famous, Google them. If they are local, shoot them an email. You have nothing to lose. If you get no response, find someone else to email. And keep going until you get the information you need to take your next step. Then take it.

 

Want to lose 60 pounds?

Start small: Increase your steps, drink water or dance to one of your favorite songs. If you survived doing any of these tasks, then do it again the next day and keep going. Then start adding more tasks to help you get closer to your goal.

 

Want to find your purpose in life?

Start Small: Discover what you love to do and use it to serve. Love reading? Volunteer to read to children or the blind. Love to take care of animals? Volunteer at the shelter or be a foster home for an animal. Not ready to commit? Then donate something, anything, like money or items to a shelter. Once you do this it will feel good and you will want to keep going.

 

 

By using The Force of Resourcefulness, you experience all of Yoda’s wisdom. You can “feel the force” by using your own intuition to help you move in the direction that will bring you happiness.

 

By using your natural resources and connections and taking steps each day, you will be able to “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” You will get closer to attaining what you truly want or desire.

 

When you finally get what you want, “Always pass on what you have learned.” This is Yoda’s reminder of putting goodness back for what you have received.

 

As for this Latina- La Yoda would say, “You can have it all, if you use The Force, of course, but use it with love.” Namaste.

How to Create Boundaries of Happiness

Stand tall. Create boundaries. Now.

Stand tall. Create boundaries. Now.

                             

Holidays.

 

Holidaze.

 

People getting together. Eating. Sharing memories and love. Good times.

 

Not really.

 

Not always.

 

Sometimes not ever.

 

Imagine a small house. A tiny one. It hosts 10 people, then 3 dogs who are afraid of people. Next, bring in a kid with a tree nut allergy. And another one with sensory issues, followed by another one who “sees” angels and a pair of girls under the age of 9 riding bouncy balls slamming into the floors. Imagine blood sugar levels rising and plummeting with candy, random eating schedules and more candy. Adults drinking liquid candy. Loudness and increasing loudness rule the day and dogs pee in protest. Kids creating havoc, adults turn blind eyes One kid almost eats a deadly tree nut cookie. Almost. By the end of the holidaze, everyone is frazzled, twisted, fried and …

 

I found peace and happiness.

 

Did I meditated or medicate for 24 hours?

 

Not at all.

 

I wasn’t there.

 

And it was awesome.

 

I wasn’t there because I had already scheduled my appointments and plans weeks in advanced. Our out of town family couldn’t pinpoint their schedules because they were all in flux. We told them of my prior commitments. When they were ready to come over, I said my quick hello and let my husband take over the roost. I honored my commitments to myself, my guests were gracious to spend what time they could with us and that was that. That was pure happiness.

 

The old me would have been wrangling the tangle of other people’s expectations.I would have cancelled my plans including my doctor’s visits to accommodate them. The rickety old me would have gladly served them and made sure all their needs were met. The rickety, old, ancient me would have smiled the entire way until they left.

 

Then like my frazzled and agitated dogs, I would have peed on the floor out of anger. Not at my guests, but because I didn’t take care of myself or my boundaries. And now, I didn’t have the time.

 

You’ve experienced this old world before, haven’t you?

 

When the holidays roll, it’s really hard to accommodate everyone’s schedules. It can become a tangled mess. This is true of even just of daily life. So how do you manage to stay alive or even thrive when holidays are in the mix, emotional expectations are high and so is guilt?

 

And that tangle of expectations and guilt can really get your tinsel in a tangle.

 

So here’s how to wrangle that tangle and round up happiness.

 

It’s boundaries, baby.

 

Boundaries.

 

Boundaries are essential to life like breathing, eating, and sleeping. But they are also a skill set. Some of us may have learned along the way. But most of us didn’t find how to create and set boundaries consistently and now in our life we encounter many situations that are begging us to learn this skill.

 

Okay not begging, screaming.

 

Boundaries simply mean having an awareness of your personal limits. This includes everything – physically, emotionally, mentally, socially, financially, and spiritually.

 

So let’s get to getting’.

 

Here are 5 ways to Create Boundaries of Happiness

 

  1. Draw the Line

First step is to take a moment to think and explore places in your life that you know you need to create boundaries.

For example, you know you never would step in a car of a person who has drunk too much eggnog and is driving on 3 spare tires. Even if it’s Santa in a cowboy hat. That’s a no brainer. That’s a boundary.

 

But think about the other subtler things in life like:

 

-When you are always paying your fair share and someone doesn’t

-When you are always there for a loved one or lover and they are not

-When at work, you carry more than your load, and your co-worker does not

-When you keep your promises and others do not

-When you always say “yes” and you mean “no”

 

  1. Do the time

Step two is quicker and easier because you have already identified the places where you could use boundaries. Do the time and reflect how these situations make you feel. Feeling sad because you didn’t set boundaries with a friend or lover is a different sensation than feeling angry because a coworker didn’t make copies or finish a proposal. It’s important to identify these feelings because the words you will use to create these boundaries will be different. But the result of the follow through will both lead to happiness and peace for honoring yourself. So reflect and call out those feelings. Feel to deal, not to conceal.

 

  1. Tow the Line

Step three is being direct and let people know what you need without the guilt. By creating the words ahead of time of what you would say will help you when the hot moment arrives and you feel your boundaries have been crossed. You don’t have to be a screaming banshee or dictator, you can just let people know what you need. State your claim, tell them what you need. Or if the event has already taken place, you can simply let them know for next time.

For example you can say things like:

 

-I’m glad you want to visit. I want to visit as well, but I need more time to plan in advance.

-Now that this proposal is done, here’s what I need next time….

-I really like to help you but I can’t help you at this time. Thank you for asking.

-Thank you for all the interesting gifts. Next year, let’s just give to charity and spend time together.

 

By stating what you need and not creating the blame game, your boundaries emerge stronger and easier for others to respond to, as opposed to react to.

 

  1. Create Awareness

Like most things, it’s important to see if what you are doing is working. Are you experiencing the benefits for creating boundaries? Do you notice yourself less stressed? Is the other person at peace or resentful or withdrawing? When you start to create boundaries and stand up for yourself, it can make others uncomfortable because it represents change. This is where you step in and do a temperature check. If your’re creating boundaries, and it feels aligned to who you are, and gives you peace, then keep doing it. If others don’t like it, then realize what is in your control and not. If you stated your boundaries in a snarky way, then yes, you can control the tone and delivery of your request.

 

If people are angry or resentful of your requests, then let them be to figure it out. After a while of putting this into practice, you will be able to see, “is it me or them?”

 

  1. Create Small Consistency

The last step is like everything else in life. You must create consistency to develop this lifelong skill. If it’s too much for you to create boundaries with certain people in your life, then start with yourself. If you’re working on getting to a healthy weight, start with creating a boundary of only eating 2 cookies instead of 10. Then work up from there. If you have a family member who is negative an always brings you down when you speak with them after talking for them for an hour, reduce it to 30 minutes. If you always stay 2 hours late at work everyday, then reduce it to one and honor your boundaries.

 

In the end you will have created a productive way to untangle other’s expectations by creating boundaries. By reinforcing them you will be able to honor yourself and others and wrangle that tangle. Now, giddy up. Namaste.

Laughter. How To Get Your Fun Done.

Find the funny.

Find the funny.

 

Life is short. Messy. Dramatic at times. Scary.

And here we are desperately trying to make sense of it.

Trying to get all the juice we can from it. Trying to find meaning, love, passion, excitement, adventure and safety in one giant swoop.

 

All while feeling completely vulnerable.

 

In our underwear.

 

Underwear.

 

Underwear.

 

Underwear. Underwear. Underwear.

 

Did you smile or laugh when you read the word “underwear”? Or did you laugh nervously because you were embarrassed with the underwear you are currently wearing? Or not wearing?

 

That’s okay. This is a safe place. There is no judgment here. Some might judge me with my giant comforter size of underwear aka granny panties.

 

I have no shame in my game. This is how I roll in my underwear.

 

Through out our day, we have many opportunities to get outside ourselves, laugh, and get our fun done. Do you do it? Do you have fun? Laughter is a serious business. And if want to make the money, you have to create the funny. This includes the wealth of your life and the wealth of your health.

 

Research from the Mayo Clinic shows that by laughing, you take in more rich oxygen to your heart, lung, and muscles. In addition, you help your brain release the endorphins that are the biology of happiness.

 

Laughing can also help you cool down your response to stress and leave you feeling relaxed and this relaxation can also ease the physical pain of stress. All these benefits are short term.

 

But this same laughter has long-term results as well, from boosting your immune system, to pain management, to increasing personal satisfaction and improving your mood. This is some serious fun.

 

So how do you do this? Are you thinking, “I’m not funny.”

 

If you don’t think you’re funny, look at your underwear.

 

We all are funny. It just takes practice and intention. You don’t have to be crazy about it. Here are 3 quick steps to get your Fun Done.

 

  1. Intention with Connection

The first step is to start looking for things that are funny or make you laugh throughout your day. Notice what they are. Is it your co-workers banter? Is it a cat meme on Facebook? Is it someone making a face at you? Notice what your style of fun is and find more of it. With that said, this is not “false fun” that is malicious or snarky. That’s fun that makes you feel regretful and depleted. And that’s no fun.

 

  1. Take Stock of Your Fun

Reflect over your day, your week, or your month. On a scale of 1-10 where 10 is the most fun you have ever had, how much fun did you have? You should notice a quick pattern. Even if you just take stock of a week. If you noticed that your fun is being sucked out of your life, then this is fabulous. You just created a new awareness and now have the ability to choose to do something different. So do it. If you aren’t creating some fun and laughter during each day, then find something new to bring into your experience. I’m not suggesting you run into the street with your underwear. You may get arrested, but you could watch a new show, read a new book, hang out with someone you think would be fun. Someone who makes you laugh.

 

  1. Lease out your Laugher.

Having fun and laughter is great but it’s an experience that is meant to be shared. Laughter is the glue that bonds us. Once you have learned how to get your fun done, it’s important to help others get theirs on. Everyone has a certain type of humor that makes them come alive. By helping others whether it’s just sharing life stories, jokes or experiences, you become a magnet of laughter and joy.

 

The joke of life is to enjoy all phases and find humor and laughter in all of it.

 

Even on her deathbed, my mother Amelia knew the importance of laughter. She said whenever I wanted her after she was gone, that I just needed to touch my heart because she would be there. Mom also mentioned that when she passed, I could put a piece of glass on her back and I could use her as a coffee table.

 

With laughter and love and a bit of insanity, she knew how to get her fun done.

 

And now you can too. Even in your underwear. Namaste.

How to Rise Higher Than The Fire

You are courage.

You are courage.

 

Some days it’s good to keep your TV off. Some days it’s good not to entertain yourself with the Internet. Some days it’s good not to go outside. Some days it’s good not to answer your phone. Some days it’s good not to get out of bed.

 

Each day we are introduced to world tragedies and local crime, and then we mindlessly shuffle to our daily grind. We may smell the smoke and sense the fire of the world’s pain when we hear about atrocities that are outside our neighborhoods or national borders. But it’s easier to distance ourselves and see things as simply “the news over there” that’s happening to “them”. We may comment on social media to pay tribute then we go pour another coffee before going to work.

 

But when tragedy strikes in our own personal universe such as the failing health of loved ones, or loss of jobs, wealth, health or relationships during the same time of the rest of the world’s events, it is very possible to feel as if we are caught up in the wild spreading fire of despair.

 

We become shocked, depressed, numb and helpless as we gaze into the fire of our lives.

 

But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can choose to do something different. We can choose to rise higher that the fire.

 

Here are three ways to help us move on up during difficult and devastating times.

 

  1. Embrace the Slow

Many times when tragedies strike in our lives, we want to move quickly to instantaneously fix the problem and move out of this painful space. This is natural but many times, by moving faster we actually compound our stress. For example, when dealing with the loved one in the hospital and we get a call from the doctor and panic sets in, it’s easy to lose purses, wallets, keys and you our own health. By creating awareness to slow yourself down and ask, “What do I need in this moment to feel grounded or safe?,” not only do you physically slow down but you also give yourself the space to carry on with a sense of peace in that moment.

 

Move like this throughout your day. Everyday. It’s important to give your brain an opportunity to physically rest whether it’s with sleep, time away from the Internet or news. It’s important to also not fight the process of moving through the fire of discomfort. If you do, you are simply fanning the flames of pain. Praying, mindfulness, meditation are also ways to rise above the fire. If you can’t do any of these, then go on a walk outside. The movement and oxygen will help in various degrees.

 

 

  1. Find Purpose or Find Good Moments

When dealing with the fire of the unthinkable, it’s hard to be grateful. Sometimes people will say, “this will make you stronger” and if your are not in that head or heart space, you will simply want to be strong enough to punch them in the nose. But with a little space and the intention to try something different, you can look at the moment that you are in and recognize that you have come this far. And how the other past moments of your life have prepped you for this moment. You may find your purpose or clarity in this hot moment of how you want to live your life or how you want to love or contribute. This helps you rise higher than the pain you are experiencing.

 

Now if you can’t find any meaning or purpose because you are still in a state of shock, anger, or despair, then consider this option.

 

Find the good in each moment, no matter how small.

 

When my mom was dying in the hospital and we knew the end was coming, it was like I brought a chair and a ball and chain and sat in the middle of the roaring fire. Tragedies were still happening in the world and everything felt hopeless. The flames were rising and smoke was building and I was profoundly hopeless.

 

Then in an instant, a nurse came with a comb and put out the fire.

 

She came in quietly to my mother’s room and didn’t say anything. She checked the monitors and my mom’s vitals. And with gentleness, she combed my mother’s hair and wiped her face and arms. Then she made sure my mom was tucked in her blankets and smiled to me as she disappeared to the other halls of hospice. Her gentleness, slowness and purpose of compassion dowsed the fire. She helped me rise higher than fire. I could breathe again in that moment. I felt safe in that moment. My gratitude was immense and I could keep going to the next moment.

 

  1. Keep Going in the Direction of Hope

The last step is to keep moving in the direction that you know your gut or intuition is guiding you. It may feel messy or uncertain at first, but with each step you will gain knowledge and clarity. In any big life event, especially one that is tragic, it can be shocking and life altering and we lose our footing through the haze and smoke of fear. By moving in a direction to help our situation or our loved ones, we start to create a peace and footing even with the crumbling foundation beneath us. Sometimes we don’t realize it, but it’s at those very scary life-altering moments that we are building and creating a stronger version of ourselves that didn’t exist before.

 

And it’s this stronger version of ourselves that helps us find grace, peace, and hope as we lift ourselves higher than the fire. In this moment wherever you are, know that you have within you the strength you need to help you breathe beyond the smoke of life’s uncertainties, rise higher than the fire and keep going towards peace. Namaste.

The Art of Being Rich

You are already abundance.

You are already abundance.

 

I like being poor.

I like having no friends.

I look forward to having and experiencing lack in all areas of my life.

I love being not loved.

I will eat cat food and die lonely and poor. Super poor. Mega Poor.

 

Okay, I don’t know about you, but just typing these words makes me feel uneasy and slightly crazy. Okay Super Crazy. MEGA CRAZY.

 

It is our animal nature to stay alive. To have more than enough. It’s our survival mechanism. It’s part of our reptilian brain. This is a good thing. It’s Mother Nature’s way of letting us flip our switch on so that we can stay safe and alive and away from cat food.

 

But sometimes we forget to turn the switch off or it stays on after years of conditioning or believing our story of our lack mentality.

 

I was born poor.

My family was poor.

Things always come up.

That’s just the way things are.

Bad things always seem to happen to me.

I could learn to like the flavor of tuna.

 

But what if there was another way? Would you try it? If you don’t think you have anything then you should REALLY try this because right now, you don’t have anything. So let’s play.

 

If you want to feel crazy rich….then practice being a Simplistic Altruistic human.

 

Being altruistic is about being good or doing good for the sake of doing it without getting caught up in the mindfreak cycle of “What’s in it for me?”

 

The irony is that by doing things for others there is a lot it does for you when it comes to lowering your stress levels. Altruism can actually activate the neurotransmitters in the brain to make you feel more calm, in control, and energetic.

 

By focusing on others that are less fortunate than you (there is always someone who would trade you places with you in a Facebook second), you have the great opportunity to experience more gratitude for all that you have. Right now. The contrast can be humbling. Altruistic action can be your new luxurious superpower.

 

People that practice altruism see and experience life with more meaning. They are also able to maintain relationships, and navigate through depression and the unexpected more skillfully. This contributes help their physical health because by giving to others, they neutralize the negative effects of negative emotions that create cortisol. And while all this sound fabulous, the big question is “How do I do this now, with the life I’m living?”

 

Keep it simple. Real simple.

 

Practice being a Simplistic Altruistic

 

This means anywhere in your life, practice radical kindness. Make a sport of it. Open the door for someone. Be the first to say, “Good Morning”. Smile more to others. Make eye contact. Speak with the intention of being kind and of service. By doing these seemly nothing kind of things that truly cost nothing, you will experience a personal richness. You will want to do more. Not because people will think you’re awesome (don’t worry, they will), but you will feel connected to the world and your purpose.

 

So start small. Lend a hand. Lend a pen. Lend five bucks. Lend toilet paper. Lend whatever your intuition is whispering to you. After you do this for a while, you may want to tackle bigger things and help in a bigger way. This is a great thing. You are feeling your wealth and abundance. Go get it.

 

Here is a small disclaimer you should be mindful of when you are experiencing this bliss of riches. Do only what you can handle from an energy, spirit or financial perspective. For example, if you want to help stray animals at the shelter do it. If you start to feel stressed with the commitment or the fact that you have 30 cats in your house, then pause. Pause on Paws.

 

By taking a daily simplistic approach to helping wherever you are guided to help, you bring a value to your life that is simply priceless and the cat’s meow. Namaste.