Do you know when to let go?
In life, we all come to a crossroad in a friendship, a relationship, or job, and agonize, “Do I stay or do I go?” Whatever the dilemma, it can be downright paralyzing against moving in any direction because the fear and uncertainty seems to roar in our faces and from every direction.
Wouldn’t it be great to know EXACTLY when to leave these situations?
Well, you can. In each case, there are three big exit signs to direct consciousness to make sure you are making the very best choice in that moment.
EXIT SIGN #1: SITUATION DEPENENDENT
If you find yourself lost in someone else’s movie, drama, or enterprise and it stagnates your own growth, this may be one of the first indicators you need to move on. Immediately. For instance, in friendship, if you notice yourself doing everything with a friend whether you want to or not, you may want to ask for more space. If there is conflict when you share your request, or if your friend can’t respect your feelings or boundaries, then this could be your sign to exit for new friendships. You can always appreciate the person and the times you had together and still have the integrity to move one. It may feel scary or even sad at the start, but once you have moved on and you feel relief, this is how you know you made the best decision in that moment.
In an intimate relationship, while it’s important to become a unit, it is just as vital to keep your individuality and creativity alive. If you can’t make a move without your partner getting upset or causing a fight, then consider how long can you endure this type of situation. Give yourself the boundaries of a timeline. Can you continue to stay with this relationship in this state, a day, a week, three months or a year even if it won’t change?
Only you know your limits. But first you must create them and then honor them. If you can’t honor your needs and yourself, and you don’t see the situation improve, recognize this exit sign.
In a job environment, you may feel like you can’t go if you don’t have another job lined up. You may have conflicting feelings of loyalty and fear. You may even buy into the idea that it’s better to work with the “devil you do know than the one you don’t”. While this may bring some peace of mind in the short term, it doesn’t last for long and this is another exit sign to start moving on.
EXIT SIGN# 2: NO SUPPORT or ABUSE
In all situations of friendship, intimate relationships and job relationships, if you are not receiving the support you deserve, this is a HUGE red flag and exit sign. In the beginning of most relationships most people put on their best faces and efforts to keep a relationship growing. If they don’t, head for the hills. If you notice a drastic changes in their behavior that becomes strained, keep moving. If you notice a steady decline in support, create the awareness to see how you contributed to this decline and if the relationship could and should be salvaged. Only you know what your part is in that relationship and if you are willing to coast and settle or if you’re ready to do or move on to something different. Awareness of this is extremely important because if you don’t understand the dynamics of what occurred, you will rerun the same episode in your life down the road.
When it comes to abuse in any form in any relationship. DO. NOT. TOLERATE. IT. Don’t take abuse in friendships, in relationships or in jobs. By doing so, you are defining how the world can use and abuse you. This does not promote growth. And remember in every second you are either growing or dying…
EXIT SIGN #3: YOU DESIRE A DIFFERENT OUTCOME
In all of the 3 said situations, the last sign to pop up when it’s time to move on is when you have a different desired outcome than the relationships you are in. If you are in a one sided friendship, and you are doing the heavy lifting in the relationship, you begin to feel the unbalance of relationship. You may voice your concerns and if they go unheard, then that’s when you want a different outcome and it’s time to move on.
The same applies in an intimate relationship. You may require more intimacy or communications and it may not surface. You may be in a relationship where your committed partner steps outside the relationship. If they don’t want to work on the relationship, then move on because they are being truthful in their actions in that moment.
In a job, you may want more money, more responsibilities, more help, more time off, or even more training. If you employer can’t or won’t help you now, then ask if they can give you a timeline as to when your needs can be met or how can they be met down the road. If you boss or advisor still can’t help you, then this is your last big clue to keep an eye out for the exit sign to keep moving.
It isn’t always easy to move on. But by becoming aware of all the road signs in your relationships, you will be able to know when you should walk and when you should run into the supported, loving, creative and brave journey called your life. Now, ease on down the road. Namaste.