Before. I loved him even when he was drunk and drove us off the road.
Before. I loved him when he pointed a gun to my head
Before. I loved him because he loved me. And who else would love me at 19?
Before. Those were my standards for love.
One night, in a drunken rage, my boyfriend came after me in his apartment kitchen. I pulled out a knife and told him that if he came any closer that I’d cut myself. He did. Then I did. We both started staring at the red puddle forming on the floor.
The police and ambulance came. My boyfriend told the police I was mental. The police said I needed to get in the ambulance to go to the hospital or they’d arrest me for attempted suicide. It was a very quick ride to the hospital. ER sewed up my arm. At 4:00 o’clock in the morning, I waited for my boyfriend who said he wanted to marry me to show up. He didn’t.
I convinced the hospital I wasn’t suicidal and they released me. A friend picked me up. I didn’t sleep because I worried about the end of my relationship. I waited to see if he’d call. He didn’t.
My mother did. Apparently, the hospital called my parents to file the insurance claim.
Back at my parent’s house, I was numb. My mom wailed and reminded me how she risked her life to have me. My mom cried that I was named after the Kimberly diamond mine, the largest diamond mine on Earth. She also named me “Kimberly” because it also meant leader because she knew I was capable of great things.
She risked her life for me. She valued me. She believed I would help the people. And she would do anything for me because…
Those were her standards for love.
She reminded me that finding love could be a challenge, but if I could find someone who could love me like she did, then my love life would be easier. But first, I had to say no to what was not love and raise my standards of my worth. I was scared at first. Over time, I got used to the higher standards. I got used to The More.
Not too long after being The More, I found that man. He’s not perfect and neither am I. We’ve been together for 25 years. He is compassionate. He is loving. He is kind. He is patient. And he’s the father of my two boys.
When I raised my standards in this area, I started doing it in other areas of my life. And miraculously things started happening for me.
And it can happen for you.
When it comes to raising your standards, two things need to happen. First, you need create awareness and identify “who do you think you are” in this moment and what is your standard that isn’t serving you.
Decades ago, I thought I was unlovable and this was the best I could get. I was worried about being a failure in love. Again. This was my Before.
The second step to raising my standards was to change to an empowering believe in my new moment, I believed I had value. I had something to contribute. I deserved love from myself. And then love from others. This was The More Than Before.
Now, when I hit bumps on the road of life, I always check in to see where I can raise my standards and identity of who I am in that moment. It helps to refocus my energies to serve my life instead of reliving the pain. I simply look for The More.
So, as you go about your day, consider where you could raise your standards to take care of yourself and those that your love.
If you think, “I’m terrible with money” Raise your standards and identity. Be More. Remind yourself of a time where you found the money you needed in an emergency. And remind yourself, if you did it that time, then you can learn how to do it again.
If you think, “I’m going to be single for the rest of my life because that’s the way I am”. Raise your standards and identity. Be More and remind yourself of the last time when you reached out to a new friend or coworker. Remind yourself of how you are still friends today. And if you can maintain a friendship or a co-worker relationship, then you can do it in a personal relationship.
If you think, “I always make terrible decisions.” Raise your standards and identity. Be More. Remember a time that you made the most important decision of your life and it was the best one. If you don’t think you’ve made any great decision, then do it now and value yourself, your judgment and your ability to learn from your trial and error approach to life.
When you raise your standards, you create a totally new being. Your actions, words and beliefs begin to follow through and align to this higher sense of self.
Don’t let life put a gun to your head or anyone else for that matter. Raise your standards for the amazing human you were designed to be. Quickly, you’ll become accustomed to and fall in love with the More than Before. Namaste.