No is your friend.

No is your friend.


There are many things in life that it is easy to say “no” to.

For example, do you want to run out of gas on the highway? No.

Do you want to stay alone for the rest of your life? No.

Do you want your pants to fit tight-uncomfortably tight? No.

Do you want to stay at your crummy job? No.

Do you want to be eaten by a zombie? No.

Blindness? No. Lose a limb? No. Heart attack? No. No.




But how many times have you said, “yes” when you meant to say “no”? And you only said yes to someone because you didn’t want them to disapprove of you, or to feel bad. Have you ever said “yes” because of guilt or because you were too lazy to say, “no”?


I get it.


I used to do it too. I used to be in a toxic relationship with “Yes”.


But there is a danger of saying yes when you want to say no.


Over time when we do something, again and again, we unconsciously create a habit, and it may be a bad one. And this habit grows stronger and more powerful every time we use it.


In this case, we are building the habit of not honoring ourselves. We put ourselves last. And while a dose of selflessness is a good trait to share in life, it is not good to go into a self-sacrificial mode when we truthfully don’t intend it. It contradicts the alignment of our soul and drains our life energy. Hear the loud sucking sound.


If that’s not bad enough, habits that are not congruent with our hearts can lead to other unconscious paths such as over-eating, -drinking, -shopping, not to mention depression, losing sleep or sleeping too much.


How can you change your yes habit and get to know “no”?


It can be very simple. Try this. You can do this anywhere.


Find a quiet space and take a deep breath. Close your eyes and think of the last time you said yes, but wanted to say, no. Think about why did you do that.


Next, reflect on what did that cost you by not honoring yourself and your feelings.   Be extremely mindful of the sensations you are creating in your body. If it is an uncomfortable feeling, sit with it. Hold steady and know it’s only temporary.


Lastly, breathe in again, place your hand on your heart and promise yourself, to speak your truth the next time you are asked. No matter how small.


Knowing “no” can bring you back to a place of happiness and peace. It’s bringing you back to you. And that’s something you can say “yes” to.


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